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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27391840">Ready Now</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Constant_Brainrot/pseuds/Constant_Brainrot'>Constant_Brainrot</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Asthmatic Hagakure Yasuhiro, Attempted Suicide, Blood, Body Horror, Borderline Manipulation, Bullying into Suicide, But at the moment he hasn't discovered that part of themself yet, Canon-Typical Violence, Cleaning, Crying, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Language, Fight Scene, Gender Dysphoria, Guilt, Guilt Triping, Hearing Voices, Hugs, I'm not sure how to describe it but Chihiro is really creepy and unsettling, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kinda, Kinda but not really, Kiyondo Ishida Doesn't Exist, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Minor Character Death, Multi, Needles, Nightmare Sequence, Nightmares, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character Fujisaki Chihiro, Out of Character Owada Monddo, POV First Person, Panic Attacks, Purposefully OOC (Out of Character), Self-Hatred, Smoking, Stress Cleaning, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Survivor Guilt, THH Spoilers, They are so soft im-, They sleep together but it's completely platonic right now, Trans Hagakure Yasuhiro, Trans Male Character, Yasuhiro is actually demi-boy, mention of vomit, minor dysphoria, so much crying, they use he/they pronouns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:55:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27391840</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Constant_Brainrot/pseuds/Constant_Brainrot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yasuhiro Cares a whole lot more about his classmates than you might think. When Kiyotaka has hit his lowest point, losing his first and closest friend to the killing game, Yasuhiro sees how distraught he must be. When nobody else is willing to take that risk Yasuhiro steps forward, wanting to help his classmate in any way he can.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hagakure Yasuhiro &amp; Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Hagakure Yasuhiro/Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Hagakure Yasuhiro/Owada Daiya, Ishimaru Kiyotaka &amp; Oowada Mondo, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo, They aren't together anymore tho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kiyotaka grapples with his life without Mondo</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter's CWs/TWs</p><p>TWs: self-deprecating talk, talk about d**th, mentioned d**d bodies, talk of m*rder, talk of s*ic*de</p><p>CWs: Monokuma</p><p>(if there are any that you feel I must add please let me know, I do not want anyone to get hurt)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No, no no no no no no no no no no no no! This is all wrong, what the hell is going on, this can't be happening! He was just here, I was looking right at him. There is no way he's gone, this has to be fake, it has to be. I can't stop shaking, but why? I don’t need to be shaking, because he's not gone. Bro...he was right here! He was right here…it’s not fair. I- I need to focus, I need to focus, I can’t focus, it’s too loud, I can’t I can’t I can’t! ...the noise is gone, but I need him back, I need him…</p><p>Everything is a blur, I feel movement? They keep touching me, talking, so much talking, I can’t… I just can’t… wait, my room? How did I even get here, I was just there, I was at my stand. I heard a door close behind me. I just can't keep up, I need a break. I stumbled towards my bed and flopped down on it. I didn’t move after that, just laid there, what else could I do? There was nothing to do, now that he's gone I have nothing, absolutely nothing. I want him back.</p><p>I didn't sleep. More like I couldn't. Sometimes I would think about Mondo, everything we did together, what we told each other, then all over again it would hit that he was gone. I’d cry and cry until my body couldn’t do it anymore, then it was back to doing nothing again. I'm still in bed… doing nothing, thinking nothing, there is nothing. Just silence and an overwhelming feeling of despair. I heard the door creak open. Light spilled out of the hall revealing a very recognizable shadow.</p><p>It was Yasuhiro, why is he here? What if he’s here to kill me? I’m an easy target, vulnerable, weak, and I have nothing left to fight back for. It would be easy for him to get me, maybe that would be for the best. Then maybe I can be with him again. Yasuhiro’s shadow didn't move. I could hear him shuffling at the door a bit though. If he was gonna kill me he should just get it over with it.</p><p>Yasuhiro not so discreetly cleared his throat and started to speak, "Hey, Taka? I know you must be having a really rough time right now but I was wondering if you could come with me to the cafeteria?" He asked. He sounded lots softer, nothing like what I've heard from Yasuhiro before. I didn't say anything though, I couldn't, nothing in my body seemed to work, it was a miracle that I was still breathing and alive. Yasuhiro cleared his throat again and continued to ask "It's just that, y'know, you're our committee chairman. You always come to Morning Meeting and make sure we're all there."</p><p>It was silent again, and I still couldn't say anything. Even if I could, I wouldn't go, I have no energy or motivation to go. I'm just going to stay here till… I don't even know how long.</p><p> "I get it," he continued "you need time, I'll leave you alone then. But if you ever decide to get out of bed, you can hang out with me, if that sounds ok with you."</p><p>The room felt a little less heavy, before he came in I was suffocated in despair, but his presence was able to clear that a bit. Clearing the fog of dread and despair, even if it was just for a moment. I still had no energy to say or do anything but, he seems so well-meaning, maybe, just once I can go, wait, no, no I can’t, I can’t get close to him, I can’t. If I get close to him then he might, no, he will die, I can’t risk that, I can’t.</p><p>"Okay then, I guess I'll leave you be. I hope things will turn around for you. I wish you good luck and..." he paused, I can see that his hand is on the doorknob now, I guess he really didn't want to leave me alone. But I can't say the same about him. I want him to be gone, It’s too risky, for both of us. I know he's trying to help but...I just can't, I can't get attached to him, not again. "I'm here to talk to if you need anything, i-" he paused again, no, he hesitated? He took a deep breath then, quietly, he spoke. "I promise…" Then he closed the door softly, and left.</p><p>Promise...he promised, just like...just like Mondo did, but can I trust him? Maybe that's why he paused, to make sure he meant it. Mondo meant it too, but he still… No, he didn’t mean to break our promise, it was an accident. So maybe Yasuhiro means it too… There was a quiet humming that broke my train of thought, I moved my head slightly to see what it was, oh. The monitor on my wall flickered a little, the screen flicked on to where our twisted headmaster sat with a glass of wine.</p><p> “Good morning, everyone! It is now 7 a.m. and nighttime is officially over! Time to rise and shine!” he swirled his glass a little “Get ready to greet another beee-yutiful day!” then the screen flickered back off.</p><p> Without thinking my body pushed itself out of bed. I'm not sure why, it's probably just a habit. Maybe I should go to breakfast. No, probably not, there's nothing to do anyway. I should just go back to bed.</p><p>But, what about Yasuhiro...he wanted me there, maybe, I can go… to make him happy, even if all I want to do is lie back down onto my bed. No, I can’t get attached, why can’t I get this through my stupid head! I gripped my hair and shook my head from side to side. My thoughts kept battling back and forth. It was too much, I just want my brain to be quiet! Aaauugghh! You know what, fine! I’m already out of bed, I might as well go, then I'll go right back to my room!</p><p>Slowly I worked my way out my door towards the cafeteria, the world around me still felt hazy, if anyone was nearby I wouldn't have noticed. It wasn’t till I got to the cafeteria that things got a little less foggy. I pushed the tall cafeteria doors open and saw a few people were already there, Sakura and Kyoko were talking at a small table on the left and Yasuhiro was walking to the kitchen. I looked around and decided to sit at the seat closest to me, the chairs at the end of the main table. I pulled out the chair to the right and sat down. I was so exhausted, so I stared at nothing and zoned out completely.</p><p>I think I heard a voice or two but I couldn’t focus on what they were saying, it all sounded blurry. The only thing I had heard clearly was Yasuhiro loudly declaring "It's times like this where the committee chairman needs to get things going with a BANG!" While pointing right in my face. But even then, I was so tired I hardly even moved, he backed down and I zoned back out again. My mind began to wander to things I’d rather not talk or think about when Yasuhiro softly nudged me, snapping me back into reality, the horrible, horrible, reality. </p><p>He briefly checked around himself to make sure nobody was watching or listening. He looked back at me and whispered,</p><p> "Hey man, you don't have any food, want me to get you some?" Oh, I forgot, food I shook my head slightly, hoping that's all I'd have to do, I was still tired. Yasuhiro put his hand on my shoulder and made a very concerned face. He looks really worried about me. No, no, no, no, I can't get close to him, I have to keep my distance. I shook his hand off and stood up “Uh...Taka?” I looked to the right and saw all the tables over there were empty, I sped over there, as far away from him as possible, and sat down.</p><p>I made sure I couldn’t see him, I knew he’d be pretty upset but I can’t think about that, in the end, I’ll be glad I never got attached, and he will too. I sat there for a while, zoning off, again. However, this time my mind was actually busy thinking, more like remembering. </p><p>I can’t stop thinking about last night, only last night, that can’t be possible. It felt like just moments ago… it felt and looked so real, yet it still felt too impossible to be true. All in one day, everything I had held dear disappeared. Chihiro, Mondo...bro. Chihiro’s dangling body, Mondo’s horrifying execution, those moments will continue to haunt me till the end of time, I don’t want to think about it but it’s the only thing my stupid brain will let me think about. It’s not fair, this whole situation isn’t fair! If only I knew. I could have helped Mondo, I could have saved Chihiro, we could be happy, we could be together. If only I-</p><p>”Hey, man, can you hear me?” I jolted back and slipped off of my chair, I looked up to see who scared me... It was Yasuhiro, can’t he just leave me alone? He was sitting in the chair next to mine, holding an apple, I looked around and realized nobody else was in the room. “Oh! Uh, sorry...” He stood up and reached out his empty hand, I pulled myself up instead. As I went to sit down Yasuhiro sat back down next to me. He took a deep breath and looked up at me “I didn’t mean to- Oh shit!” Yasuhiro, somehow, had accidentally launched the apple out to the side, he lunged over to grab it as fast as he could but fell on the ground in the process. He caught it, luckily, right before it hit the ground. He fumbled around with it for a little bit before finally setting it down on the table next to him.</p><p>He looked back at me, smiling with the most awkward and crooked smile I think I’ve ever seen. He chuckled lightly before his smile faltered, it looked like he noticed something. He reached his hand out a bit, it looked like he was going for my face, I moved back a little, he immediately pulled back, as soon as he saw me flinch. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying.” Crying? I hadn’t been- oh. I put my fingers to my cheek and felt wet tears, slowly I put my hand back in my lap. I guess I was so deep in thought, I hadn’t even noticed. Yasuhiro cleared his voice slightly “So, I got the sign, you’re upset with me and don’t want to talk. But I just thought...” he folded his arms and tapped his arms very nervously “I should let you know what we were talking about because it looked like you didn’t really hear our plans.” He moved his hand to his chin and the other to the table where the apple was, he fiddled with it for a bit while thinking. Then, he looked back at his hand with the apple and nearly jumped out of his seat with shock.</p><p>“Oh! Right! I almost forgot! I grabbed you an apple!” He held the apple out to me really enthusiastically ”Just in case, y’know?” he stated, practically beaming. Begrudgingly, I grabbed it, even though I wasn't that hungry, I couldn’t just leave it there. “Great! Okay, so, since the trial is over that must mean that there are some new rooms, yeah?” He paused, waiting for a response, I had a bit more energy than earlier, so I gave a small nod. “Great, so I brought it up to everyone,” he pointed his thumb out to the empty cafeteria “and I was like, we should check it out, and Ogre was like,” he folded his arms and turned to the side, “that sounds like a good idea.” in a very gruff voice. I think he was trying to do an impression? </p><p>“So now everyone is checking out the new floor!” He looked proudly out the “windows” then quickly turned back to me “Got all that?” I gave a small nod “Great!” he beamed, he stood up then held his hand out to me. “I’m going to go look around now, but you could always come with me!” he gave a slight point at himself with his other hand. I felt a bit bad, but I couldn’t, I’ve been telling myself this all morning, it’s too risky, I can’t get close. So I continued to sit there, looking down at the apple in my hands. He kept his hand out a bit longer before awkwardly pulling it back. “Or, not, I’ll just go on my own.” He slowly shuffled back. “I’ll give you some space,” he turned around and started to walk away but stopped for a moment and turned back “I’ll see you later,’ he waved his hand a little and turned around “bye, Taka!” He gave one more wave and left the cafeteria. </p><p>I sat there for a little while before I got the energy to stand up. Once I did I shoved the apple in my pocket. Slowly I stumbled back out of the cafeteria, planning to go to my room for the rest of the day. As I walked to my room I saw Asahina walking towards the cafeteria. I wonder why? I took a little mental note and continued to walk to my room. I was approaching the dorm hallway when something hit my foot and knocked me to the wall where I hit my head and shoulder. “A-argh!”. I slowly propped myself up and rubbed my temple in pain. I was still trying to collect myself when I heard him.</p><p>“Jeez! Watch where you’re goin’ kid!” I didn’t even need to look back to see who it was, but I did anyway, and there he was, Monokuma. He looked really upset, he was tapping his foot with his paws on his side. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mr.Mopey-Mope-Face, so it was you who kicked me!” He put his paws to his face and sighed. “So sad and depressed you didn’t even see me. I never thought that all this despair would make you become so cruel (￣ヘ￣)” I- wait how did he say that out loud? Regardless, I was going to protest when he cut me off. “Y’know, I’m kinda shocked you didn’t go with that stupid sea urchin to check out the new floor, I swear I remember there being something really important up there. I think you particularly would like it!”</p><p>Wait what is he talking about, does he mean it, is there something up there for me? “R-really?” Ow, My voice felt so rough, it made it harder to speak. Monokuma stepped back and gasped.</p><p>“I can’t believe what I’m hearing! You haven’t spoken once today! B-but-” Monokuma made a very bashful face and stood in an odd pose, “Wow Ishimaru, you must really like me! (*≧∀≦*)” What on earth? Of course not! What kind of crazy ideas float through that bear’s head?</p><p>“N-no! I-”</p><p>“Puhuhuhu, I’m only messing around. Anyways, I can’t tell you what's up there!”</p><p>“Why… why not?”</p><p>“Spoilers! Duh! Buuuut, I guess I can tell you where it might be!”</p><p>“Where?”</p><p>“It might be in the Physics Lab! But remember! You didn’t hear it from me.” and with that last remark, Monokuma disappeared. The physics lab… can I really trust him? I guess I don’t have much of a choice. I looked towards the direction where the stairs should be. I took a deep breath, I was a bit more awake now, maybe I can work this out, maybe… just maybe. I let go of the breath I was holding in and began my walk towards the second floor.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've been working on this for a very long time now, almost six months in the making and still in progress, hopefully, though things will start to take less and less time as I become a more skilled writer, I still have TONS of school to catch up on so whatever schedule I do end up having will have very long breaks between chapters. I hope you all enjoyed it! Stay safe and make sure to take care of yourself!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kiyotaka inspects the new floor.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter's CWs/TWs</p><p>TWs: self-deprecating talk, talk about d**th, mentioned d**d bodies, talk of m*rder, talk of s*ic*de, manipulation</p><p>CWs: Monokuma, Syo, there is a line in all caps</p><p>(if there are any that you feel I must add please let me know, I do not want anyone to get hurt)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I think that around the dining room, I got a bit turned around and found myself at the school’s entrance, so it took a lot longer than I hoped until I finally found the stairs. My feet were aching and I was just as tired as I was earlier. I need to focus, remember what Dad always said, hard work is the only way to succeed in life. I’ll be incredibly tired by the time I find the Physics Lab, but there is a chance Monokuma wasn’t lying. Maybe it’s something about Mondo… or my dad… I hope he’s okay.</p><p>The moment I got up those stairs I immediately started searching for the Physics Lab, but the halls here are so complicated and the designs on the walls make it hard to focus. I tried to make sure that I didn’t go into any of the rooms unless I knew it was the lab. I was going down the hall to the right when I heard some voices behind me. I peeked around the corner and saw Yasuhiro and Hifumi walking this way. As quietly as I could I speed to the nearest room I could so they wouldn’t see me. As it turned out, the room I ran into was the Physics Lab, lucky.</p><p>I looked around, taking in the new scenery, it was a lot different than I expected. I thought that it was going to be a standard classroom for basic experiments. However this was so much bigger and higher-tech than I could ever imagine, well, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised, this is Hope’s Peak after all. There was a gigantic machine in the center of the room quietly humming and occasionally clicking here and there. It was white and blue with all sorts of monitors around it. I walked towards it to get a better look at it.</p><p>There were rectangular tubes on the side of the machine with square holes at the top that had dividers between the holes, making four squares in each square. I also noticed that every other few seconds they made a quiet huff, and mist would puff out a moment after. In between the two square holes and in the center of the whole machine was a giant, clear, orb. It was held up with a sort of stand, and on the top of the ball were wires plugged in everywhere. I wonder what this is used for, and who made it? I am sure it provides an excellent service! </p><p>I continued staring and analyzing the strange machine trying to find its purpose. Maybe this is what Monokuma meant, all I need to do is figure out what this machine is! Once I do that then…then… I’m not sure. I guess I’m just going to need faith that Monokuma will keep his word. I really hope it’s something useful because I need some hope right now. I was preoccupied with a particularly intricate aspect of the machine when, tap-tap. My body tensed up in shock, “A-ah! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.” Makoto looked around the room a bit more before looking back at me and awkwardly smiling, what does he want? “Hey, Taka. Do you think that this place is a research institute?” Oh, he wants to chat… I don’t really have the time or energy for that though.</p><p>Trying to find my way through the school and find this room took a lot of energy out of me, plus, I need to find what Monokuma was talking about. Makoto stood there for a few more moments before sighing and walking off to check out the machine for himself. I continued trying to figure out what this machine's purpose was, but there honestly wasn't much to go off of design-wise. It was very intricate but still vague enough that I couldn't figure out what on earth it could be! I was getting lost in thought when I heard Makoto quietly muttering to himself, I think I heard something about a “ridiculously big machine”. I would have just ignored it and kept to myself if it weren't for who showed up next.</p><p>“Watch out!” An irritatingly high-pitched voice squeaked from below. Makoto stumbled back and looked down in shock.</p><p>“Wh-what?” Makoto shouted, Monokuma waddled towards the machine and tapped the side of it.</p><p>“What, you wanna do some quantum leaping!?” Quantum leaping? What does that even… Makoto looked up at the machine and back to Monokuma.</p><p>“Huh…?” Monokuma turned to the machine and held his hand out.</p><p>“That's a time-machine! Pretty awesome, right? It was designed by a student right here at Hope’s Peak!” Wait did he say time-machine, a real time-machine? That, that means I can.. “The Ultimate Physicist… Although, they don't go here anymore. They died during The Tragedy!”</p><p>“A time-machine…?” I croaked out. “Seriously…? So...it can go back in time…?” I stepped towards the machine. “Okay, then...let me get in there… If I can go back to the past...then I can…” I can’t believe it! I can save my bro! I can keep him safe! We can be together again, I can stop this all from happening, I can save them all! I mustered as much strength as I could, and let out a shout. “This time I’ll stop Mondo for sure!” Monokuma cackled and looked over at me smugly.</p><p>“Oh, sorry not possible. This particular time-machine can only go back one minute.” One...one minute!? “It comes in handy when you like...leave your pizza bagels in the microwave one minute too long.”</p><p>“One minute...?” I cried.</p><p>“Hmm… you sound disappointed.” Monokuma laughed a little bit. “But actually, I was lying about the whole thing anyway. There’s no such thing as time-machines!”</p><p>“What… ?” Tears were streaming down my cheek as my heart ached.</p><p>“Honestly it’s just an air purifier.”</p><p>“Air purifier…?” Makoto muttered.</p><p>“It can produce clean air no matter where you’re at. With that thing, you could live on Mars! But with the discombobulating gravity and deadly low temperatures, you prob’ly don’t wanna live on Mars. Anyways, this machine is the reason you guys have all this delicious air. So don’t go breaking it! You break it, and it’s your butt!” </p><p>Monokuma disappeared along with any energy I had left. I fell to my knees and hunched into a ball and cried. What is wrong with him? He knew I’d take the bait, he knew I would be interested in this machine, and he… he knew how weak I was. I only wanted a little hope, just a little, but no, I don’t deserve that anyway, I don’t deserve that happy life with Mondo, I never deserved it. I could never truly be his bro, I couldn’t save him, so this is my punishment.</p><p>“Hey, Taka d-”</p><p>“S-stop...” My breath was shaky and rough, coughing between sobs and sniffs, “L… leave me alone…” Makoto sat next to me,</p><p>“Look, don’t let what Monok-”</p><p>“I said leave me alone… Please…” Makoto sat for a little bit longer before he finally stood up and walked away.</p><hr/><p>I lost track of how long I had been there, could have been thirty minutes to three hours, I have no idea which, but both feel just as likely. I wasn’t crying as much but I still feel absolutely awful. I didn't know if I could move or not, and if I could, why should I? If I stay here, nobody has to ever see my stupid, gullible face again. The room was almost completely silent besides the mechanical humming and puffing of that machine, that stupid machine, that stupid machine that never could and never will bring mondo back. Why would it? I’m so dumb for thinking that. I should just... Wait, what is that?</p><p>There was some noise outside this room and it was getting louder. You could tell it was loud, even from a distance, it was very shrill, almost like… laughter. That’s when I heard the fast-paced footsteps along the floor and realized what it was, or who.</p><p>“Kyahahahaha!” I moved my head the smallest bit up just in time to see Syo run right by me and out of the room. As she went down the halls I could still hear her laugh echoing behind her. That's when I saw Makoto running by me shouting at Syo.</p><p>“Syo! Wait, please stop! Wait for me!” I guess they were hiding somewhere where I couldn’t see them. I glanced at my wristwatch, it was about 6:00 PM. If I was going to do nothing for the rest of the day, I might as well do it in the privacy of my room. I slowly pulled my body up and fell to the side of the machine, my body felt awful. Everything felt heavy, my stomach hurt my face was blotchy and snotty, my nose and mouth ached through the sniffs and coughs, not to mention how sore my feet are. Through all this pain I trudged out of the room, down the stairs, all the way back to my room.</p><p>I fell onto my bed with a loud plop taking a deep breath before letting go and crying into my pillow. I can’t believe how stupid I am, I try so hard in school but of course,  at everything else. I’m gullible, weak, and I trust too easily, why can’t I do something right for once in my life. I just want everything to be okay, but it’s not like I deserve that. I let Mondo die, I let Chihiro die and if it wasn't for me they could still be alive. I was bringing Mondo down anyway, I’m so weak. I wish I never existed, they can be happy without me ruining everything.  I wish I was dead, then I could finally apologize, it’s not like they would ever forgive me, they know I could have stopped them, but didn’t. Because I was too stupid to realize he needed someone to talk to. If I talked to him then maybe I could of went with them and work out with them, I could save them both, but no, I’m so stupid, so that never happened.</p><p>Thunk! What on earth was that? The room shook at the sound of something heavy hitting the floor. I rolled over to see what it was, of course, it’s him. “Ow ow ow ow...I’m never coming down from the ceiling again.” Monokuma brushed himself off and stood up, why was he in my room? To torment me even more? Lie again? What on earth makes him think I would ever want to see his face again? “Ah! Ishimaru! I thought you were asleep! I wanted to give you a scare…” Monokuma looked down in shame, then he immediately perked right back up. “Eh, I’m already here so I guess I can get on with it, I guess. I have a message for you, Ishimaru! Straight from my dear old master!” Monokuma pulled out a letter and a monocle from… I didn't even want to know, and cleared his throat “Ishimaru Kiyotaka, you have been requested to attend an event in the ballroom, wear your finest clothes and expect a big surprise!”</p><p>That… was awful, I had never heard a British accent for real before but there is no way it sounds like that! Monokuma tossed his monocle and laughed cheekily, “If you didn’t catch all that, here is a short, simplified translation.” Monokuma took a deep breath and shouted as loud as possible. “GET YOUR ASS TO THE GYM, PRONTO!” His voice shook the room and left a ringing in my ear, “That is all.” he gave a quick bow and disappeared.</p><p>As much as I don’t want to go it seems like I have no choice, it sounded like if I didn’t I would get in trouble, and I don’t want to face his punishment as she did.</p><p>I pushed myself back out of my bed to head to the gym, just outside my door I saw Sakura and Aoi walking down the hall together, I waited a moment, not moving till I knew they were out of sight. Once I saw them turn the corner I creeped out of the room and quietly followed the crowd down to the gym, they were all close together, all engaged in one big conversation, it seems I missed something while I was in my room… It’s for the best anyway, getting close to anyone is suicide, either you get killed, or they will, nobody is safe. At the end of all this I’ll be glad I missed out, even if it hurts being alone again, loneliness is more bearable than loss…if only by a slim margin.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kiyotaka uhhh... well a lot happens, just a- a whole lot. Specifically with Alter Ego and Makoto</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter's CWs/TWs</p><p>TWs: self-deprecating talk, talk about d**th, mentioned d**d bodies, talk of m*rder, talk of s*ic*de</p><p>CWs: Monokuma, Byakuya</p><p>(if there are any that you feel I must add please let me know, I do not want anyone to get hurt)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When we all entered the gym we noticed that Byakuya and Toko were there already. Byakuya looked furious and downright disgusted at us, “To be kept waiting by the likes of you. Rest assured, if we had firearms, you’d all be dead.” I had almost forgotten how horrible Byakuya was, almost, but that was all he had to say to remind me how scummy and untrustworthy he was.<br/>
Makoto nervously chuckled “Togami… So you got here early?” Byakuya looked absolutely repulsed that Makoto was talking to him, he looked him dead in the eye and retorted “Did you forget how to walk? Is that why you’re late? It’s simple. Right foot, left foot. Right foot…” Celeste giggled and stepped forward</p><p>“Hmhmhm. The same as always, I see. Her on the other hand…” She tilted her head towards Toko.</p><p>“Oh, she’s back to her Debbie Downer self, huh?” Yasuhiro noted, somewhat sarcastically.</p><p>“I heard what sounded like a sneeze, and she was back to her old self.” Byakuya gave a cold, heartless stare at Toko, it was so cold it gave me shivers too.</p><p>Hifumi butted forward and commented. “So now she goes from manic to depressive whenever she sneezes? Seems kinda late to add that into the mix...” He looked very distraught over this little detail… Toko looked like she was at her breaking point and shot her head towards Hifumi.<br/>
“Why does e-everyone keep make-making fun of me...?” She screamed, “I hope y-you all win the-the l-lottery and get hit b-by a bus...”</p><p>Aoi put her hands on her hips and sighed. “So when you want to say something mean then you can talk, huh?” Sakura walked over to Aoi and glared at her and Toko, Though I didn't hear it I think Aoi muttered an apology. Sakura looked back out at everyone.</p><p>“Anyway. It looks like everyone is here.”</p><p>“Which means...” Kyoko muttered. Right as she said that, like it was scripted, Monokuma hopped up from behind his podium and landed right in front of us all, looking very elated.</p><p>“It looks like everyone is here! So then let’s get started!”</p><p>Byakuya was unmoved by his sudden appearance and seemed more annoyed than anything, though it’s hard to tell with him, he always looks annoyed. “Come on, out with it. What kind of motive have you prepared for us this time?” Motive? Of course, that's why we’re here, I had no expectations for what Monokuma had planned for us, I did suspect the high chance of it being a motive, but I hoped maybe that wouldn’t be the case, but I should have learned by now what happens to hope here…</p><p>My thoughts were interrupted by Monokuma’s shrill cackle, when I looked over to where he was I saw he had moved back up to the podium and was standing with his hands out. “So without further ado, I give you...” Monokuma reached over and pulled a rope that appeared out of nowhere. “...THIS!” Right on cue, green slabs started falling onto the podium neatly into little stacks, they were thick with a ribbon wrapped around each one...what was all this? Monokuma took a big breath and shouted “One hundred million yen!” One… one hundred million yen? “I’ve prepared this graduation present for whichever lucky student makes it out of here alive! Whaddya think? It’s one hundred million bucks! One hundred million smackeroos! It’s like totally wowie wow wow, am I right?”</p><p>That...that's so much money! With that much, I could... I could help my father! I can help him and make sure he never has to suffer again! I- I nearly forgot, it’s a killing game... to get that money I’d have to kill someone, I could never kill someone. I looked over to the rest of my classmates who were talking in a widespread bubble, I took a few steps forward, just to listen in, nothing else.</p><p>“There’s no way we’d kill each other for money!” Shouted Aoi. Sakura nodded her head in agreement.</p><p>“She’s right, you can’t simply purchase a person’s life.”</p><p>Yasuhiro, from out of nowhere, proudly stepped closer into the circle and slammed his fist into his chest. “You can say one hundred million or ten million billion for all I care! I don’t give a crap! For serious!” Is he aware that isn't a real number? I genuinely hope so… Makoto walked up too.</p><p>“You’re right Hiro, no matter how much money you offer us, no, no matter what motive you give us… We won’t kill our friends!”</p><p>“C’mon, stop trying to act tough. The most important thing is to live a pure and moral communal life!” Nothing about this was moral, this was the opposite of moral! It’s- It’s- immoral! Though, as much as I want to believe Makoto and the others, I can’t keep hoping that this time will be different. Someone is still going to die, then someone will be executed, it’s only a matter of time.</p><p>Monokuma had sunk down and disappeared from view, leaving the giant sum of money on the stage. “Th-there’s nothing to worry about, right?” Aoi looked to the rest of the group. “Nobody would kill a friend… for money, right?” Byakuya scoffed, drawing the attention back to him.</p><p>“Have you so quickly forgotten the lesson from last time? You can’t judge others by your own standard.” Though I truly hated Byakuya, for once I think I agree with him here, even as the Ultimate Moral Compass even I was tempted by the money. I’m so weak, I don't deserve such a title…</p><p>“Y-yeah, t-there might be someone here who’s having some mon-money problems!” Toko blurted out, she started scanning the room and pointed at Celeste “I-I bet your life isn’t that glamorous… you probably have s-so much debt!” Celeste, though shocked, laughed humorously at Toko.</p><p>“Personally, I’ve earned over one hundred million yen from my gambling efforts. My life is...comfortable.” In desperation, Toko shot her finger at Hifumi.</p><p>“H-Hifumi! What about y-you!?”</p><p>“I’m a super popular content creator! I don’t have any problem making enough to buy my comics and DVDs!” Hifumi shouted back. Toko looked around for another person to interrogate when our eyes locked. Oh no… </p><p>“Th-Th-Then…!”</p><p>“Just stop. Pressing others about their personal finances is just… ugly.” Sakura had stepped in just in time, thank goodness… I didn’t know what I would have done if she had pointed at me. I would probably freeze up. I tuned back into the conversation just in time to hear the Night-Time announcement go off.</p><p>“Mm, ahem, this is a school announcement. It is now 10 p.m. As such, it is officially night time. Soon the doors to the dining hall will be locked, and entry at that point is strictly prohibited. Okay then… sweet dreams, everyone! Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite…” Ah, I guess I had been in my room earlier a lot longer than I thought… </p><p>“It’s that time already, huh…?” Aoi wondered aloud. Kyoko stepped up for the first time this whole conversation, which I knew of at least, I tuned out a few times. I should be more respectful to my classmate’s time… however much we all have left.</p><p>“Before we separate, let me remind you…” She spoke in a hushed voice, as if she didn’t want Monokuma to overhear. “Starting tonight, I’ll be leaving my room door open to make sure nothing happens to Alter Ego.” Alter Ego? What is that? I wonder what I missed… “But just because my door is open, don’t assume that will make me an easy target.” She continued, “Or, the predator may suddenly find itself the prey…” The room grew tense with Kyoko’s threat hanging over the room. </p><p>The silence lingered for a little while longer before being broken by Yasuhiro. “Okay, okay, let’s everyone just head back to our rooms!” He encouraged, giving an awkward smile. “And don’t think about the whole money thing! Got it?” He tacked on, surveying the room. “Good! Then let’s break!” He overlooked the gym one more time with his hand on his hips, then looked down at me.</p><p> “...How was that? Pretty good, right, Taka?” I stared back, blankly, I wasn’t expecting him to talk to me again. He faltered a little and nodded his head “...Right.” The crowd started to disperse and thin out, so quietly avoiding Yasuhiro and everyone else who was staying behind, I went out the gym doors.</p><p>I left the gym feeling a bit nauseous, this day just got worse and worse. Someone was going to kill again, there is no blind optimism that can stop that. I wish I could have that same hope Yasuhiro did, but I can’t find that much left to hope for. Whoever’s going to kill should just go for me, I’d be an easy target, willing even. Everyone slowly filled into their rooms, I started to slow my walking. Eventually, I saw just about everyone enter their rooms… except for Yasuhiro… Not that it matters though, I don’t care what happens to him. I opened my door and went straight to my bed.</p><p>It’s been an exhausting day… one day… it’s only been a day. Mondo and Chihiro have been gone all day, if it was this hard for me to go through one day…  To not see him… to not laugh with him, talk to him, share our pasts together. One day without him was unbearable, so how am I supposed to survive a lifetime never seeing his face again. That's not even thinking about Chihiro, I never knew him as well as some of the others like Makoto but… I still feel responsible for his death. I could have saved him, gotten to know him more. We could have been friends, but I’m such a mess-up of a person, I always have been. I just wish I could apologize, I wish I knew what he thought of me… of Mondo… Does he hate me? He probably does, and I deserve it too…<br/>
Knock knock. Huh? Someone is at my door, though I think I have a feeling I know who it is. I heard the door creak open a bit more, I guess I forgot to lock it again. I looked at the beam of light from the door and saw my suspicions were correct.</p><p>“Hey man, just checking up on you. I didn’t see you much today and felt like, maybe someone needed to make sure you were doing alright.” I knew it, I’ve been trying to avoid you for a reason! He’s so dumb, trying to force himself into my life, I don’t need help, I don’t deserve it anyway. If he keeps this up, I might get attached to him, I can’t let that happen, less pain for the both of us. “Look, I know I don’t have a single clue what you’re going through, but I think I can at least understand that today must have been really hard for you.” Yasuhiro had opened the door completely by now and had walked further into my room. I wonder, maybe the reason he was behind was so he could prepare a knife. I bet he’s here to kill me, trying to get close to me, only to kill me when nobody is around. There is no point in fighting that, that might be why he checked on me this morning. It wasn’t because he cared, it was because he was trying to see how easy of a target I was.</p><p>He must have seen how weak and pathetic I've become. His caring attitude was all a facade, just so he can get out of here. Yasuhiro had been shifting around where he had been standing for a while, maybe he had second thoughts about killing me. He should either kill me and get it over with or leave, I don’t care which one it is at this point. “If you ever need to talk, I’m just around the corner, alright?” Yasuhiro turned around and started to walk out the door, “Sleep well Taka!” he called out, he left and closed the door firmly. So… he didn't kill me. At least now he’s gone… I guess I was making some pretty bold assumptions. Yasuhiro must have meant what he has been telling me, I think part of me is glad someone is trying to be nice, even if it’s dangerous. If, by the incredibly small chance, we get out of here anytime soon, I guess I could allow myself to get close to him. But the chances of us getting out are so small that it’s not even worth entertaining the idea…</p>
<hr/><p>I spent another night restless and alone, letting my mind wander from thought to thought. Usually drifting back to Mondo… when I wasn't thinking about him, I was thinking about my dad… I really miss him, we’re the only people we have left. It used to be Dad, Mom… and him. We used to live a nice life, Dad would always take me out to see the world, explain how it all worked and how our family was helping the world for the better. That's when everything went downhill, there was a scandal that destroyed my family’s name. Any prestige or credibility we had was lost, all because of him. On top of all of that, my mom had grown ill, we couldn’t afford to get her proper treatment, we discovered most of our money had disappeared… My grandfather… he took the money for himself, he said he was going to use it to put us back on top… that never happened, and in the end my mom had passed away, right as I was getting into middle school. Then, a year later, my grandfather died as well.</p><p>Then it was just us, my dad had to work a lot so I was often on my own. But when he was home, even if he had a particularly rough day, he would always find time to be with me. I hope he’s doing alright without me… He’s a strong man, always has been, I believe he’s going to be okay, but… still, the idea of something terrible happening to him… It’s a feeling that still hurts to think about…</p><p>Ding! Dong! Huh, what was that? I rolled over in bed to look up at the monitor to see… nothing? What time is it anyways? I checked my watch… it’s 6:15 AM! The announcement shouldn’t be going off for another 45 minutes! Then what was that? Ding! Dong! There it was again I think it was coming from… oh, I forgot there were doorbells outside our doors. Who was up this early, I mean, I haven't slept a wink all night so I can't judge too much, but still… Regardless of who it was, I had a really long day yesterday and I still feel drained, if not even more than before, I don’t think I have enough energy to leave this bed right now.</p><p>Whoever rang the doorbell rang it one more time before leaving, that’s what I assume anyway, I haven't heard anything for a few minutes, so I assume they just gave up. I continued to lie on my bed, I didn’t really feel like thinking about much… I’m exhausted to the point of feeling drained from thinking too much. I checked my watch one more time, 6:20. It’s still a good while till everyone else would be up, not that it mattered, I’m not planning on leaving any time today. It was at that moment that I realized something I had been forgetting to take care of as of late… I had to use the bathroom… I guess I do have to leave bed now, darn it.</p><p>I slowly stepped out of bed, my gut ached, my head pounded, on top of all that I realized I didn't just have to use the bathroom,  I really had to use the bathroom. I walked over towards my bathroom and was about to grab the handle when I realized that I couldn't use this bathroom. Monokuma had said in the handbook all water in our dorms was shut off between 10:00 P.M. and 7:00 A.M. “Gahhh...'' I grumbled quietly to myself, if I can’t use my bathroom then what am I supposed to do! Hold it for 30 minutes? Calm down Taka, it’s not that big of a deal, you can figure something out. I took a deep breath and plopped down on my bed. I reached for my Monopad, maybe there was something on there.</p><p>The tablet flashed my name then brought up the tabs. There’s Rules, Class Members, Student ID, and… aha! The Map! I taped on the tab and immediately started scrolling to see if there was a bathroom outside our dorms. What luck! The Monopad showed that there should be a girl’s and boy’s bathroom right next to the trash room.</p><p>
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</p><p>I put my tablet down and went to my door, I cracked it open and peeked outside, making sure nobody else was out. Luckily, whoever was out here was gone now. I stepped out, quietly shutting my door behind me, and made my way down the hall. I didn’t see anyone else around, so I think I’m safe to assume that I'm the only one out right now. I quickly walked (I refuse to run!) to the bathroom as fast as I could. After I had finished my business I went to wash my hands, but as I was drying off I heard some quiet voice outside the bathroom.</p><p>I was very nervous about who it could be, quietly I made my way to the door and pushed it open the slightest bit, I couldn’t see anything out there, but I did hear the voice more clearly now. “Time to rise and shine!” it’s Monokuma’s morning announcement. Wait, but that must mean, I looked back down at my watch, it’s 7:00 already? I guess I took longer than I thought. What's worse though is that now that the announcement has been played, that must mean people are going to start leaving their rooms.</p><p>A low sound of chatter started to form, in a state of panic I slid back into the restroom. I didn’t have enough energy to face them, staying here is my only option. I checked my watch, it’s still 7:00, hmm. I’ll check back every five minutes, when I’m sure nobody is out, I’ll leave. In the meantime… I guess I could clean. If I wasn’t going to do anything for a while, I might as well do something productive. Plus, I don’t want to get too wrapped up in my thoughts again. Something to keep my mind busy. I walked over to the closet, pulled out a broom and dustpan, and began sweeping.</p><hr/><p>As I planned, every few minutes I would check outside, there was always one person out there or passing by. So I kept cleaning, I eventually swept and mopped the floor and wiped down the sinks and mirrors. I checked outside and saw that finally, nobody was there. I had gathered all the cleaning utensils and neatly put them back. I double-checked the perimeter, making sure it was still empty. Once I knew for sure I slipped out and made my way to my room, my feet ached and I was drained again from all that cleaning. At least I was feeling less burdened.</p><p>I was turning to go to my dorm when I overheard some girls talking, I would have ignored it and kept walking if it wasn't for what I heard, ‘Chihiro’. They were talking about Chihiro, maybe they knew something about him, maybe it was important, I had to know. I walked a bit closer but hid behind a wall and listened carefully. </p><p>“Hina, I suggest you keep your voice down.” it sounds like Sakura is talking to Aoi,</p><p>“Ah, my bad, but still! When would Chihiro have been able to do that?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I wasn’t that close to him, but regardless, I am just glad we can talk to him.” Talk to him? They can talk to Chihiro? Is he… Is he really alive!? I didn’t even hesitate before I started to run for his dorm, I had to see him, I have to apologize, I have to know, I need to know. I reached his dorm and shot for the doorknob when...click-click.</p><p>It was locked. I knocked, and knocked, and knocked, but never got a reply. I knew it was too good to be true, but what if...what if they hid him, from Monokuma, yes, that must be it, that is why Sakura told Aoi to be quiet! I need to see if anyone can help me find him. I went to Aoi’s dorm first, I rang her doorbell and knocked a few times before waiting. Nothing, I tried one more time, still nothing. Okay then, the next door, Celeste’s, I rang her doorbell, knocked a few times, and waited. Nothing, Again, I went from dorm to dorm, not one person opened their door.</p><p>I had lost just about all hope of ever seeing Chihiro again, I skipped Makoto’s door because he was usually out but he was the only one left, so, slowly I walked to his door, tired and aching, and rang his doorbell. It would be an understatement to say I was shocked to see the door opened. Of course, the last door I knock on is the only one that opens.</p><p>“T-Taka!” he almost fell back in shock, slowly I stepped in, okay, here goes nothing.</p><p>“...Is it true? Can I really...see Chihiro?” My voice cracked and hurt, I hadn't realized how long it had been since I last spoke, </p><p>“Huh? You mean Alter Ego?” So that’s the code they're using, I remember Kyoko used that phrase once.</p><p>“He’s...still alive?” </p><p>Makoto’s face faltered a bit “N-no...not quite…” So something happened. Whatever it was, I had to see him.</p><p>“Let me see...I want to...talk to him…” Makoto put his hand to his mouth.</p><p>“T-Taka...” He looked to the corner of the room and dropped his hand. He looked there for a moment, maybe two, my hopes were dwindling and I was considering just leaving.</p><p>“Okay, why don’t we get going…?”  Before I could say anything he was already out the door waving for me to follow, I’m glad he trusts me, even if it’s just a little. On our way out we passed by Kyoko, she was looking over at Makoto with a very intense expression on her face, I looked over to him and saw he was trying hard to not look back. I think they had a fight, I hope they can get over it before something bad happens to one of them. Makoto tugged my arm to keep walking and brought me into the bathhouse locker rooms. Makoto peeked his head out of the locker room, then led me to a cracked open locker on the wall.</p><p>He opened the locker to reveal a small green computer, but why is he showing me this? Where is Chihiro? I was going to ask when I felt someone touch my shoulder, I flinched back and saw it was just Makoto. You’re fine Taka, you don’t need to overreact.</p><p>“Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you again!” he put his hands up defensively and took a step back “Look, this is a bit confusing but I need to know you understand what I’m going to tell you, okay?” I gave him a small nod “Okay, so...this is where “Chihiro” is,” He pulled up his hands and did a little quote sign when he said Chihiro, “this computer in the locker, understand?” I wasn’t sure why he made the air quotes, or much else he was saying, but I still nodded. “And on the laptop,” He continued, “there is this app called Alter Ego.” None of this makes any sense, I just need to talk to him.</p><p>“How…” I muttered, “How do I...talk to him?” </p><p>“O-oh, um…” he put his hands on the keyboard, “Well, you just tell me what you want to say, and I’ll type it in for you.” Okay, I think I get it now, no sense beating around the bush, I need to know how he feels.</p><p>“Do you...hate Mondo? And since I couldn’t stop him...do you hate me?” These questions had been in my mind ever since that day. Each word felt like a pound, but once I got one word out the next was even heavier and harder to push through. My chest felt tight and my eyes stung. Makoto looked at me with wide eyes and his hands hovering over the laptop.  “...Please,” I muttered, Makoto quickly scrambled to look back at the computer and began to type. Then there he was, Chihiro Fujisaki! He looked over to Makoto then at me, he looked down for a moment, then he spoke.</p><p>“Do you hold yourself responsible...?” he looked up in thought, “If Master could talk now, I think this is what he would say…” then he looked at me with such kind eyes, gosh I miss him. “Please, live your life for the both of us.” Everything he’s saying just puts everything at ease. “It’s impossible for me now, but you can still escape- all of you.” I gave him a small nod when I heard Makoto start to speak up.</p><p>“Hey, Taka…” but he was quickly cut off by Chihiro.</p><p>“The one asking those questions is…Taka, right?” Chihiro put his fingers to his chin and looked down. “Analysing all available data, that's the only conclusion I can come to.” I walked a bit closer so Chihiro could see me more and nodded my head, “Master told me how close Taka and Mondo had become. So that must be why he feels responsible.” The screen suddenly went dark, why did the screen go dark? What happened to him? Oh no, I ca- Wh-what the? The screen flashed back on but what showed up wasn't Chihiro It- It was.</p><p>“Mondo?” Makoto muttered in shock.</p><p>“You’re not letting yourself get crushed under the weight of responsibility, are ya?” I took a step back in shock, covering my mouth.</p><p>“Gh-!” He looked right at me and kept talking. “A man is only worth as much as the load he can carry!” He flashed a small smile “You get it, right bro?” He chuckled. “Hell, what am I saying? Of course you do!” I- I didn’t know what to say, heck, what was I supposed to do? I wasn’t prepared for this! This… this is too much… </p><p>Chihiro flashed back on, “I’m sorry if that startled you…” he looked at me with concern in his eyes. “That was my attempt at a simulation, using the data about Mondo that Master had given me.” He looked to the side. “I figured if Taka was depressed, that's the kind of thing Mondo would have said to him…” The screen went black again but flashed back on again much quicker than last time, but I still wasn’t ready when he showed up again.</p><p>“So you’re just going to stand there, huh? Just wait for things to get better? Just take your time and get all depressed…" he sighed. "Take the time to indulge in all your regrets…" he looked off to his left. "you might even start walking again without realizing it. Sure, that kind of mediocre thinking might work for some people." In an instant, Chihiro flashed back on screen. "...what if I said it with that kind of condescending tone?”</p><p>This is too much, this is all just too much, I can't think straight, I have to…" I- I'm sorry…" Makoto gasped and looked back at me </p><p>"Wha- Taka, what do you-" I cut him off. </p><p>"I'm sorry I just… I need time… alone… to think about all this…" </p><p>Makoto reached out to me, "T-taka, wait!" I turned around and walked out of the bathhouse.<br/>
Once I knew I was far enough from Makoto, I ran straight for my room, tears streaming down my face. I felt like everything was going to implode on itself. Just, too much all at once... I threw my door open and flopped onto my bed. I had to calm down, but this was just too much, too much. The more I tried to think about what happened the more my brain hurt, I just wasn’t prepared...I looked at my watch, it was only 5 P.M. Maybe, I can sleep it off, yeah, just, take a nap, and hopefully, everything will make more sense when I wake up...I hope, I really hope.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for the late update, work has been heavy lately, the parts might be more inconsistent with uploads because I've hit a roadblock and I'm struggling with continuing to the next segment of the fic :/ I have one more chapter prepped but after that, it's back to long, gratuitous drafting. But I will hopefully be uploading mini fics in the meantime, I have a Dayakure fic in the works and a few ideas for more Ishikure and other rare pairs I enjoy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Taka has a rough night...the understatement of the century</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey! I suggest reading these warnings now more than ever! Thing are going to get really heavy and really dark fast.</p>
<p>This chapter's CWs/TWs</p>
<p>TWs: self-deprecating talk, talk about d**th, mentioned d**d bodies, talk of m*rder, talk of s*ic*de, nightmare sequence, bullying, attempted s*ic*de</p>
<p>CWs: blood, body horror, nightmarish images</p>
<p>(if there are any that you feel I must add please let me know, I do not want anyone to get hurt)<br/>If you need them here are some hotlines:</p>
<p>800-273-8255</p>
<p>1-800-273-TALK (8255) to reach a 24-hour crisis center</p>
<p>I promise you are loved and cared for</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Where am I? Everything is… dark, where is everyone? Can I… can I move? I took a step forward, so I can. I took a deep breath and tried to yell as loud as I could, “Hello?” I heard my voice echo into nothing, huh. I started to wander around to see if I could find anyone or anything that could help. I kept walking, and walking, and walking, and walking, before long it felt like I had been walking for hours. I was losing hope that I would ever get out of here when I heard a noise from behind me, I shot around absolutely elated to see anything that wasn't just darkness, but what I saw was nothing at all like I expected.</p>
<p>It was Mondo, he was lit up with a light from above, he was looking down at the floor. This can’t be, he’s...he’s dead. But there he is, standing right there, just within reach. So, I threw every bit of caution and sensibility I had out the window and ran. The closer and closer I got the more my heart pounded, I've missed him so much, I can’t believe it’s him! The moment I was within arm’s length of him I gave him the biggest hug possible. “Oh my goodness, I can’t believe it’s you, you’re really here!” I started crying into his coat, I can’t believe it, but here he is, here in my arms. I held him for a little while longer before I felt something drip onto my head, was he crying? I finally let go and pushed myself off him.</p>
<p>“Bro, I-” </p>
<p>“Stop. Do you really think I can forgive you that easily?” </p>
<p>“Bro, what are you-” He lifted his head. </p>
<p>“I said to stop!”</p>
<p>His face...oh gosh his face! It’s...it’s dripping with blood, I feel like throwing up… “Yeah, sickening, eh? But y’know, you could have stopped this from happening.” I’m gonna vomit, I feel so sick, why… </p>
<p>“Wha… what are you…” He poked my chest.</p>
<p>“Hah, don’t play dumb, you know why! Do I really gotta spell it out for ya, dumbass?” I feel so cold, my hands are shaking and I feel like at any moment I’d just collapse. “If you were really my bro, you would have been able to stop me before I killed Chihiro, and everyone knows it, even Chihiro himself knows it.” </p>
<p>He’s right, it’s all my fault, if only I had talked to him, if only I knew him better, I could have saved them both. He hates me and gosh he deserved to, I shouldn’t even be here. I fell to my knees and broke down into sobs, what is wrong with me, why can I just do the right thing for once! “Tch, you’re so weak.” I couldn’t even protest, he’s right, I’m weak and pathetic.</p>
<p>As my crying started to slow I heard something echoing around me. It was laughter, almost child-like. The laugher got louder and louder, more laughter joining in, overlapping over each other. It’s so loud, I hate it! I covered my ears and tried to drown out the sound till all the laughter became one laugh again, but now it was so much clearer like it was just right behind-</p>
<p>“Oh Taka, Mondo really wasn’t exaggerating about how pathetic you’ve become!” That voice, no, no it can’t be, it’s not really… I turned around slowly and saw the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t even describe it, It...it's Chihiro but he’s how he was when he died, he was strung up in the air floating ominously while dripping and oozing with blood. But by far the most horrifying thing about all of this was his face, oh gosh his face. His face was gone, in its place was what looked like scribbles, giant eyes that kept shaking and changing shape with a permanent grin that was just as messy as his eyes, it took everything to not throw up right then and swallow it all down.</p>
<p>“Oooh, are you scared, Taka? I thought you would be just ecstatic to see me! I guess not.” His head fell to the side but his face stayed in the same place, not moving with his body. He let out another laugh “We should stop messing with him, Mondo, and tell him what we need from him, hm?” I looked back to Mondo who gave a nod before walking over by Chihiro.</p>
<p> I looked between the two and quietly asked, “Wh- what are you going to do to me…?” Both of them erupted into laughter, no, I can’t call it that, it was much more sinister and left more dread than any other laugh I’ve heard before. No, they cackled, mocking and cruel.</p>
<p>Chihiro hovered closer to me, his body itself though, it never moved, and when he laughed his face stayed the same, and close up it’s even worse. “It’s not what we’re going to do to you! It’s what you are going to do to yourself!”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“You want our forgiveness, for us to be friends again?”</p>
<p>I gulped, I was hesitant but eventually, I had to give my answer, “More than anything...” Then, Mondo finally spoke up, “Then kill yourself.” It was cold and blunt but packed with so much force.</p>
<p>“W-what?” I cried, Chihiro sighed and hovered back next to Mondo.</p>
<p>“I knew it, he’s just too weak to ever do something like that. I guess he’s all talk and no play, huh?” Mondo walked up and yanked me off the ground by the collar, our faces were inches away from each other.</p>
<p>I never noticed before but his pupils were small and red and were scribbly like Chihiro’s. “You’re so pathetic, all those nights wishing you were with me and now we give you a chance to be with us again and you say no?” He dropped me harshly onto the cold floor “ I guess I was as big a dumbass as you to ever consider you my bro.” No, no... I’m so stupid, I messed up again, why can’t I just do what's right? I’m not right for anyone, not even myself, I should just-</p>
<p>“You should just, what, Taka? You’ve been thinking about it for a while, but you’ve never taken action. If you’re so desperate for it then go ahead, grab a knife and drive it into your gut. You deserve to die a painful death as we did.”</p>
<p>The room started to grow louder with more voices fading in, overlapping over each other. Wait, those voices… it- it’s my voice, my thoughts! They grew louder and louder taunting me with the promise of death. The room started to spin, the thoughts grew louder and louder, Mondo and Chihiro began laughing and laughing as their voices slowly grew higher and distorted. The room kept spinning and spinning, I felt so sick, the thoughts are still taunting, but they’re right, I have to, I’ve held back too long, need to die, for them. My vision began to swirl and distort, everything was just too much. I can’t take it, I can’t take it, I can’t, I can’t, <i>I can’t!</i></p>
<p>
  <i></i>
</p>
<p>
  <i></i>
</p>
<p>Everything went cold and silent all in one swift moment. My eyes shot open, I was breathing heavily and I feel very disoriented. I hurriedly pushed myself up, frantically looking around me. This... this isn't the darkroom, I'm in my bed. I took a deep breath to try and steady my breathing, but it didn’t work, my breathing was still irregular. I tried to calm myself, thinking of things to ground myself,  but I couldn't think of anything, all that was there were the voices. I could still hear them, I can still hear the voices, they’re still taunting, they’re still strong and horribly gripping, I have to make them stop... How… How can I make them stop? Another chill rushed through me as I remembered Mondo’s words, ”Then kill yourself.” Right, it’s just like he said, I’ve got to kill myself, it’s the only way, but how? I scanned the room looking for something, anything, that’s when I saw the drawer to my right slightly cracked open.</p>
<p>The toolbox, I quickly stepped out of bed and threw open the drawer. What do we have, pliers, hammer, and...screwdriver, perfect. I pulled the screwdriver out of its slot and plopped onto my bed. I fiddled with it a bit, feeling the tip, seeing how it felt in my hand.</p>
<p>I took a deep breath and held it out, pointing towards my heart. I’m ready now, I have to be, my hands were firm and I fully intended for it to go through all the way, I’m strong enough to do this, I know I am! I'm not weak! I took a deep breath and prepared myself to see mondo again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, a bit of a hiatus is coming up, burn out is a bitch :/ this project won't be abandoned, I will return as soon as possible, I promise. I am genuinely sorry I'm leaving you guys on a cliff-hanger like this :(</p>
<p>If you need them here are some hotlines:</p>
<p>800-273-8255</p>
<p>1-800-273-TALK (8255) to reach a 24-hour crisis center</p>
<p>You deserve love, you deserve self care, you matter</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter's CWs/TWs</p><p>TWs: Talk about d**th, mentioned d**d bodies, talk of m*rder, talk of s*ic*de, Attempted s*ic*de, syringes, physical restraint</p><p>CWs: Taking testosterone, mild dysphoria, Yasuhiro calls Ogami Ogre if that upsets you </p><p>(if there are any that you feel I must add please let me know, I do not want anyone to get hurt)</p><p>The chapter switches perspectives, just a heads up</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sat in the middle of the cafeteria swinging my legs back and forth, lost in thought. I was the only one left in the cafeteria, Aoi and Ogre both came in for some salads, and Hifumi grabbed an armload of snacks, but besides that, it was just me. Me and a pretty good ham sandwich, if I do say so myself. </p><p>I wonder what time it is? Like, genuinely, we just have to trust Monokuma? He’s probably lying, but then how messed up is the time we think it is? Is it even in the late afternoon right now? I might be completely off on my T shots and have been getting into a completely new habit! That wouldn’t be too great… yeah, not great at all.</p><p>I finished up my sandwich and stood up to brush crumbs off my chest. Okay, I have some free time… maybe Taka is free? I don’t wanna push him too much but maybe finally getting up might do him some good! Yeah!</p><p>I left the cafeteria and began walking towards the dorm halls. While I was leaving the cafeteria I saw Makoto, he was peeking out of the sauna changing room looking very nervous. He spotted me and jolted back a bit.</p><p>“Uhh, you… you won’t tell anyone, right?” He looked nervously around like he was looking for something. I looked behind me, what on earth is he looking for anyway? There’s nobody else here.</p><p>“Uh… yeah, I guess.” What is he hiding… what’s even in the-oh! Right, I forgot about Alter Ego. But then, why does he need to see him? That's odd… He quickly slipped back into the changing room before I could say anything else.</p><p>I really hope that whatever he’s doing doesn't lead to another death. What are we at anyway? Uh me, then them… and… uhh eleven? No! Ten, because of Junko! That's not a lot left and way too many bodies. Eugh, the thought of all those bodies, just laying in a pile...</p><p>Stop! That is just too morbid, pull yourself together, Hagakure! I slapped my cheeks. I can’t get distracted, I gotta see if Taka is feeling any better. I went down the dorm hall and turned to Taka’s dorm. I went for the doorknob and wriggled it around a bit. Locked, which is good, it means that nobody has broken in and he should still be here. But it also means if he doesn’t want to get up, he won’t. Just like this morning, he didn’t then so he probably won’t this time. But who knows? Maybe he will, I can’t lose hope for him.</p><p>I knocked on the door and waited a little bit, then I rang the doorbell. Hmm, still nothing, I’ll try one more time, I knocked again, a bit louder this time, and waited, when nothing happened I rang the doorbell a few times. Still nothing? I guess I can’t blame him, I mean last time I tried to visit him it was early in the morning, so it made sense he wouldn’t get up, even though usually he’s always the first to breakfast. But now, I guess it’s just wanting to be alone rather than just being tired.</p><p>Okay, guess I’ve gotta find something else to do today… I went down the hall and walked aimlessly around the school. I couldn’t find anybody, though. I guess everyone wanted a day in. In that case, I could just kinda let my mind wander.</p><p>It’s like the opposite of meditation. Instead of staying still and clearing your mind, you move a lot and let your mind do whatever. Y’know, my mom used to do that a lot. When she was stressed or needed time alone, she would go out and just walk around the house, and if she could, the block. Sometimes, she would bring her little walkman if she was really stressed and didn’t want to think about that stuff.</p><p>She also smoked a lot when she was stressed. She tried not to do it in the house, but sometimes she would do it absent-mindedly and I’d just kinda deal with it. I guess looking back on it, that’s probably why I have asthma now… that and a shit ton of other things, but that specifically probably didn’t help.</p><p>I don’t like that my mom smokes, but I know she’s trying to do better. I think she even said that she was gonna try and not smoke as much. I wonder how that's going for her, I hope me getting kidnapped didn’t set her back. </p><p>Y’know, when I get out of here the first thing I’m gonna do is go home and hug her. I miss her so much, we’re all we have. There were Dad and Daiya but… neither of them are here anymore. Dad disappeared after the fire and Daiya… is dead.</p><p>It was inevitable I’d get here, this is why I usually opt for meditation! Then I don’t have to think about this kind of stuff, but it’s not like I can never think about him. It was honestly impossible to not think about him when Mondo was still here.</p><p>I never got to know Mondo all that well while I was dating Daiya but I knew he never really liked me. Especially after Daiya died, we both blamed ourselves but took it out on each other. We stopped talking to each other completely not long afterward. I thought that maybe I could fix things when I saw him on the list of my classmates on those forums, but That turned out to not be the case. Mondo took me aside privately on our first day here at Hope's Peak, just to tell me to never talk to him or ever bring up Daiya with him. I wish I could have patched things up with him but…</p><p>I let out a deep sigh and looked around. Oh, I guess I walked back towards the dorm hallway by accident. I guess it’s getting late anyway, maybe I should go to bed.</p><p>It was then that I saw Makoto walking nearby. He looked pretty frazzled and upset. I walked over to him then walked beside him. “Hey, what happened, man?”</p><p>Makoto, jumped back in shock, “Huh? Oh! Hi, Hiro.” man, he seems even jumpier than me recently.  He cleared his throat, “Ah, nothing, I don’t really wanna talk about it.”</p><p>“Okay, what do you wanna talk about?” I asked him. He fidgeted with the strings of his hoodie. He didn’t say anything for a long while, I guess he really didn’t want to talk at all. “Do you want me to leave you alone?” I tilted my head down to try and make eye contact with him.</p><p>“I’m… just gonna go to bed… thanks for checking on me though.” Makoto turned around and walked back down the hall to his room. I guess he’s right, it is late so I should be getting to bed too. I started to follow after him leaving some space between us. Once I got over to the dorm hall I saw him enter his room. It was just then that the nighttime announcement went off.</p><p>“Mm, ahem, this is a school announcement. It is now 10 p.m. As such, it is officially night time. Soon the doors to the dining hall will be locked, and entry at that point is strictly prohibited. Okay then, sweet dreams, everyone! Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite…”</p><p>I started to walk down the hall, hands in my pockets. Wait, it’s night time! I should check on Taka one more time, just in case.</p><p>I mean, it hurts to see someone you look up to struggle. He’s the Ultimate Moral Compass! He always gets good grades and he’s well respected! I wish I was like him, but I’m not, I’m just me. Without people like him around society itself would collapse! But since he’s all catatonic and stuff, I gotta step up! But I’m not good at his job, so I’ll do everything in my power to bring him back!</p><p>I turned around and walked back down the hall to get Taka’s dorm! Y’know, the one at the end of the hall with the door open… wait. The door is open! But last time I was there the door was locked!</p><p>I started to run for the door, oh no, what if someone hurt him or tried to kill him? What if he’s already dead?  Once I got to the door, I nearly threw it open, but I stopped myself. What if whoever is trying to hurt Taka is still in there? I need to be careful… I should be quieter. I cracked the door a bit wider and stepped in walking on my tiptoes, which was hard because I was wearing my wooden geta shoes. I tried to listen in when I heard footsteps. I clapped my hand to my mouth and tried to slow my breathing, what if that was them, they’re gonna see me and kill me too!</p><p>I heard heavy breathing and sobs every few seconds, it was no doubt Taka’s voice. Then I heard a drawer open and more footsteps. Gah! What am I gonna do? My body is frozen in place but I have to save Taka! I forced a few steps forward and I was finally in a spot I could peek further into the room. I slowly craned my neck to look at Taka’s bed but I nearly fell back when I saw what was really happening.</p><p>Taka was sitting at the edge of his bed, holding what looked like a screwdriver. He fiddled with it and slowly he brought it up and turned it to aim at his-</p><p>“Stop!” I shouted, without any time to think I ran straight for him and tackled him down while I tried to rip the screwdriver out of his hand. He tried to move and keep the screwdriver from me, I pushed him into the bed and pinned him down with my right arm. With my other hand, I tried to snatch the screwdriver from his hands.</p><p>Taka squirmed and kicked at me and started crying even more, “S-stop, you sh-shouldn’t be here!” I wasn’t going to back down though, I kept reaching and grasping at his hand until I finally got a grip around his hand, balled into a fist around the screwdriver. I tried to push and slide his fingers off of the screwdriver, but he held a firm grip. He pulled his legs up and kicked me right in the gut, I coughed hard but I stayed strong. His palms were starting to get really sweaty, so he hadn’t noticed that a few fingers had gotten loose. I took that as my only chance and ripped it from his fist.</p><p>In a state of panic, I threw it across the room. It hit the wall with a loud thud and fell to the floor with a clatter. I took a deep breath and tried to steady my breathing. Once I was calmed down, I looked down at Taka and realized he was full-on sobbing now. I got off of him carefully and let him sit back up. He slowly sat up and scooched onto his bed before tucking into a ball and crying more.</p><p>Oh my gosh, how did that all happen so fast? Was I too rough? Did I just make things worse? He’s still crying, what am I supposed to do? I’m not great at comforting or anything like that. I do try and cheer people up when they’re down but nothing like this! Should I say something or should I wait? Does he even want to talk? I am the worst person for this kind of situation.</p><p>Taka coughed and sniffed as the crying died down, “Why…?” I looked over at him in shock. I stuttered and mumbled as I tried to get at least some coherent words out.</p><p>“Uh… why what?” Taka took a long breath and shuddered as he exhaled.</p><p>“Just why… why are you here… why did you stop me… why-” His voice hitched as he broke back into quiet sobs. “Why me… ” he said, barely above a whisper. I wasn’t sure how I was meant to respond, but as the silence lingered longer and longer I realized I had to answer him.</p><p>“I… for starters, I check on you most mornings and nights so when I saw the door open… I got scared.” I felt tears well up in my eyes, no no no, you can’t cry right now. You can focus on your crap later, right now you need to help Taka, not make him feel worse. I blinked away the tears and cleared my throat, “And when I saw you with the screwdriver, I just reacted on instinct, I couldn’t let you hurt yourself… It wouldn’t be right.” I mean, knowing that if I didn’t do anything he would have died would be impossible to get over. “As for your last question… I really wish I knew, man… “</p><p>He sat in silence a while longer, had I said something wrong? Maybe that wasn’t the answer he was looking for? I slowly walked up to him and sat on the edge of the bed beside him, making the bed shake a little. Taka adjusted himself slightly and lifted his head so his chin could rest on his folded arms. His face was red with splotches everywhere. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, more so than usual, and his cheeks and nose shone with tears and snot. It took everything to not lean over and hug him, he just looked in such horrible shape, I just want to help.</p><p>“I… “ he stuttered out before faltering again, “I shouldn’t be here.” He started to sob again but no tears came.</p><p>“What do you mean by that?” I have a bit of an Idea but I really hope I’m wrong.</p><p>“I… I shouldn’t be… alive.” he choked out, guess I wasn’t too off the mark…</p><p>What should I say, obviously he’s wrong but… gah! I’ve never been good with words. I shouldn’t be silent though, that would just be sending the wrong message. I’ll just… speak from the heart or something. Yeah, that sounds about right.</p><p>“That's… that's wrong. You shouldn’t be dead, you… you are such an incredible person, and I know that we will get out of here. And when we do, you… you need to be there. Because I know that you are destined for incredible things. I don’t need to read your future to know that.” I chuckled lightly, “Even then… we need you, you were always such bright and energetic energy to focus on in the mornings. In a pretty bad situation, you brought… hope.” for me, I didn’t add.</p><p>”But… But he said that… this was the only way…” The only way? Wait! Did someone tell him to do this? Was someone trying to convince Taka to kill himself? Whoever it is I am going to have a really serious talk with them and if they don’t do anything about it then I’ll… I’ll… I’ll do something! And it won’t be good!</p><p>“Who told you that load of garbage?” I shouted, I saw Taka flinch back. “I- I mean…” I took a deep breath and looked at Taka, “Sorry for yelling. But that’s complete bullshit, whoever said that is an asshole.” I said, Taka, curled a bit more into his ball and started to cry again. Shit! I messed up! “Hey! Hey, I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to get so upset. Don’t be upset please, I just want to help…“</p><p>Taka lifted his head and looked at me, tears still streaming down his face. “I-It was just a bad dream but… ” A dream? That’s kinda… odd.</p><p>“A dream? So someone in your dream told you to do this? Can you tell me who it was?” I asked, scooting closer To Taka.</p><p>“They… they said that if I… the only way they would forgive me is if I… if I-” Taka started to bawl again, he looks so alone… Whatever he must have seen or heard in his dream… I can’t even begin to imagine what on earth could have been so horrible that it led to all this…  y’know what, fuck it.</p><p>“Hey… do you need a hug?” Maybe he won’t be in the mood, but it was worth a shot. It’s better to have asked and get a no than not say anything and be wrong. Taka looked up at me then looked back down at himself. Without a word, Taka fell into my chest and cried into my shirt. I pulled him in closer and held him tightly as I softly circled his back. He didn’t tell me who it was in his dream that told him to do this, but I think I can make a pretty good guess using my intuition that it was probably Mondo.</p><p>While it’s not my expertise, I do know a bit about dreams and how they work. Dreams and nightmares are basically when your brain is trying to understand all the stuff that happened the last few days, so with Mondo dying, the guilt that Taka felt must have turned into whatever he saw in his dream. I should stop calling it a dream though, by the sounds of this it was one hell of a nightmare.</p><p>After a long while Taka eventually pushed away and rubbed his eyes of, hopefully, any lasting tears.”...Thank you.” he muttered, “I mean it…” </p><p>“Yeah, of course…” He looked so exhausted, I looked around to check the time. I then remembered none of our rooms have clocks, so I just looked like an idiot. But I guess regardless of what time it is I know it’s late, I mean I came in here a little bit after the nighttime announcement and I’ve probably been in here a while. I looked back over at Taka, it looked like he was swaying a little,  “It’s really late, you know… we should probably go to bed.” I said, trying to be casual. “Are you going to be okay on your own?” I asked.</p><p>Taka stared straight down for a while, still swaying, “I… I don’t know.” That’s not completely reassuring, but I guess saying yes after all that would be a lie, I don’t think someone can recover that quickly. Then what am I meant to do? If leaving him alone isn’t a good idea then what can I do? It’s not like I can stay the night with him… actually, as long as he’s okay with it, it’s not a horrible idea. If I can keep an eye on him that way then so be it.</p><p>“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” Taka looked up at me and let out a small gasp, he sniffed his nose and looked back down.</p><p>“I… actually… yes, I would like that.” Oh, that was easier than I thought, I stood up and realized that I was still in my usual clothes. These clothes are kinda uncomfy to sleep in. I’ve fallen asleep in them before on accident, I always felt uncomfortable and achier in the morning. So I started to walk towards the door. I immediately stopped because I had said none of this out loud and Taka had no clue what I was doing.</p><p>“Ah! Right! I’m gonna need to change first, I’m gonna run to my room and come back as fast as I can, okay?”</p><p>“...Alright.”</p><p>On my way out I noticed something on the floor, I bent down and picked it up. Oh, it’s the screwdriver! I looked back at Taka, he was still sitting on the bed, he’s not facing me. I’m going to take this… for safekeeping. I shoved it in my pocket and went for the door.</p><p>After I left the room I looked back at the door. I don’t know if it’s safe to leave it open, but I don’t know if I’ll be let in if I close it because the door will auto-lock. Plus, Taka might try and… I’ll be fast, I’m sure nothing will happen to him.</p><p>I quickly sped down the hall to my room as fast as I could. I changed out of my clothes the moment I stepped through that door. But now that I'm back in my room I remembered a whole lot of things I forgot to do. I haven’t taken my binder off in a long time, I haven’t taken out my contacts yet, and I need to take my T shot. I guess I’m gonna take a bit longer than I thought, but I’ll be fast so that it’ll be fine.</p><p>I tossed my binder off and immediately felt a lot lighter, not better but, y’know. I hadn’t even realized how tight my chest had felt before. But now my lungs felt real bad, ugh that's not good. I tried to take some deep breaths, you’re okay, in through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, out through the mouth… shit. That wasn’t working so I kinda half speed-walked to my bedside and grabbed my inhaler. I popped the lid off and shook it roughly. I gave myself one dose and took a moment to try to regulate my breathing.</p><p>I should probably take a break from wearing my binder for a while. It will suck and make me pretty dysphoric but I don’t wanna die because of tiddies. That's the worst way to die, just, objectively the worst. I slowly walked to my dresser and tossed it open. I threw a loose t-shirt on and some baggy sweatpants.</p><p>I went to my bathroom and opened up the mirror cupboard. I grabbed a small box and took it to my bed. I pulled out a little cloth with alcohol on it and a syringe. I cleaned off the tip of the syringe and put up the cloth. </p><p>Y’know, even though Monokuma is a horrible person-bear-thing and is forcing us to kill each other. It was nice of him to give me everything I needed to be able to continue to transition. Like, he totally could have charged super high for this stuff. I would have paid whatever fee, but no, it was already here along with lots of other things I needed like contacts, a really fancy inhaler, binders, and all sorts of stuff. It all looked like it was made just for me too! The guy may be evil but at least he isn’t that kind of an asshole.</p><p>Right, shot, stay focused. I pulled a small clear bottle out of my case and stuck my syringe inside. I flipped it upside down and pulled out the T-juice or whatever it was called again, I forget. Once it was at the little marker I drew on I slid it out and set the bottle down. I set the syringe down so I could pull up my sweats… shit.</p><p>The pants were too big and thick and couldn’t slide back far enough. I stood up slowly and pulled my pants down a little instead then I sat back down… Just… don’t look too hard, just give yourself the shot, Yasuhiro, your thighs look fine. But, they’re just so… not masculine, and… I don’t have my packer either… They're just really big and so feminine. I hate looking feminine, I know I’ve been on T for a while but I just feel like it’s not...</p><p>Snap out of it, Yasuhiro! You just need to focus and stop worrying about how your body looks, that's what the shots are supposed to fix. I pulled the little piece of cloth back out of the box and wiped down a spot on my thigh. I held out my leg a little and slowly stuck the syringe in and pushed in the T. I was used to this by now but I still winced a little at the pain. Once it was all in, I pulled it out and dabbed it with some cotton, then put a bandaid on it. </p><p>I slid my pants back up and quickly put everything back in the box and made my way to the bathroom. I slid the box back in the mirror and pulled my contact holder out. Again, fairly simple procedure, I grabbed my contact solution and squeezed a few drops into the case, looked up, and carefully pulled each contact out. I set them gently into the case. I closed up the case and put everything up. With all that out of the way, I turned my lights off and was about to leave when I saw something on the side of my bed.</p><p>It was a dreamcatcher, I had a few around my room, so it wasn't unusual but… it made me think about Taka, I know he doesn’t really understand the stuff I do, nobody does, really, but maybe it would make him feel better. I turned around and walked back to my bed, I walked to my nightstand and looked down at the dreamcatcher.</p><p>It was made of sticks and was woven into a rough circle-oval-like shape, in the center, yarn was intertwined together to make a beautiful pattern, The yarn made five points touching the rim. When I bought it they said the five points represented a star, which I thought was pretty neat. Then at the bottom, there were five strings dangling down with beads and feathers hanging at the tips. It’s one of the first few I ever got, I don’t use it much though… maybe I could give it to Taka longer than just for tonight…</p><p>I carefully picked it up and carried it out with me as I left my dorm. I walked back down the hall and saw that Taka’s door hadn’t moved, but just to be safe I was dead silent walking in, I peeked my head around the corner and saw that Taka had barely moved. Now that I knew the coast was clear I walked in all the way, my tarot-themed slippers slapping quietly against the floor. </p><p>“Hey, I’m back, told you I’d be fast.” I laughed lightly, Taka looked up at me in shock, he looked really panicked. “Hey, you okay?” I asked as I sat back down next to him.</p><p>“N-nothing… I just didn’t notice you came in and got…” he trailed off, not finishing his thought. He looked down at my hands and tilted his head a little “What… what's that?”</p><p>“Huh? Oh, this is a dreamcatcher, it catches bad dreams in this net like a spider’s web and lets the good dreams trickle down these strings to you. I thought you might like it.” I held it out for him to see. He looked down at it in awe, he started to reach out his hand but he pulled it back when he saw me notice.</p><p>“You can touch it, I don’t mind,” I told him, giving a hopefully reassuring smile. He looked back down and reached back out to touch it. He carefully traced his finger around the strings and beads and felt the feathers between his fingers. It looks like he really took a liking to it. While I was watching his hand trace around the net, I saw something bounce onto it. I looked at his face and saw that he was crying onto the dreamcatcher!</p><p>“Oh! Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry! If you didn’t like it you could have just said so!” I said, panicking as he started to cry more.</p><p>“No… I-it’s not that...I just…” He burst into more tears, he didn’t need to keep crying, I just wanted to help and I just made it worse. I looked to the side, biting back some tears of my own.</p><p>I felt something brush against my hand, I looked down and saw Taka grab a hold of my wrist gently, I looked back up at him. He lifted his head and looked at me, still crying but he… he was smiling? He cleared his throat and whispered, “Thank you...”</p><p>“Y-your welcome.” I stuttered out, he wasn’t upset? That's good at least, I mean it’s just a dreamcatcher, It wasn’t that big of a deal. I stood up and walked to the edge of his bed and pointed at a little hook on the wall above his bed. “I... uh… eheh.” …What was that? Those aren't words. What was I getting so flustered about, it was just a little thank you! I lightly slapped at my face and cleared my throat, “A while back I noticed a hook in my room, it was right above my bed.” I looked back at him, “You have the same hook so we can hang it here.” I told him as I hooked on the dreamcatcher.</p><p>I walked back over and sat next to him again. Taka and I sat in silence for a little while, Taka sniffing, still trying to calm himself down. While we sat there I heard something. It sounded like muttering, I looked at Taka, “You say somethin’?”</p><p>Taka fiddled with the hem of his sleeves looking down at the floor “I… I’m just tired…” It looked like he was gonna say something else but… eh it’s no biggie, I shouldn’t worry about it too much.</p><p>“Alright, let’s get to b- wait hold on. You’re still in your uniform. You should probably take that stuff off. It can get really uncomfy sleeping with all that on.”</p><p>“Oh… I apologize, I will change.” Taka moved to the edge of the bed and started to unbutton his shirt.</p><p>“Wah!” I turned around and slapped my hands on my face. Give me a warning next time, Taka, I don’t wanna accidentally see you naked!</p><p>“Huh? D-did I do something?” Taka asked, he sounded worried.</p><p>“N-no! It’s fine, I just didn’t want to accidentally peek on you! Y’know?”</p><p>“Oh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize that made you uncomfortable!” Taka said, I slowly turned my head back to see Taka got back onto the bed and was bowing?</p><p>“Hey! No need for that! It’s okay, really, it just caught me off guard! Really!” Taka lifted back up, it looked like he was holding in tears again, he blinked and as he did, they fell down his cheek silently. Instinctively I reached my hand out to wipe them away. I stopped myself, remember what happened last time I did that? He flinched away. I was about to pull my hand back, but before I could Taka’s cheek fell into my hand. My face flushed at the sudden touch, I awkwardly brushed my thumb against his cheek. He leaned more into my hand and closed his eyes.</p><p>He looks completely worn out, I’d let him stay like this but if I did my arm would lose all feeling. We should probably just go to bed, it wasn’t too big of a deal if Taka was still in his school uniform anyway.</p><p>“Hey, let’s just get some sleep, ok? It’s been a long night and staying up much later probably isn’t a great idea.” I laughed lightly, I slowly moved my hand off his cheek as he slowly opened his eyes. He scooched back onto the other side of the bed and slowly laid down on his pillow.</p><p>I looked over at the edge of the room and saw I forgot to close the door on my way in, oops… I stood up and slowly walked to the door to close it.</p><p>“Hiro?”</p><p>“Oh… sorry, just getting the door.” Double oops…</p><p>I shut the door and walked back over to Taka’s bed, I kicked off my slippers and got into his bed. As I got under the covers I shifted around, getting comfortable. I yawned and closed my eyes, I felt something bump my back right as I did. I turned my head back and saw Taka, who had fallen asleep already, leaning onto my back. It would probably be a bit uncomfortable sleeping like this so I slowly shifted my body to face him so he was leaning on my shoulder and chest instead. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I was so focused on literally everything else all night I hadn’t realized how tired I was, I yawned and snuggled more into the bed and started to fall asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So sorry for that long hiatus, still not feeling it lately but I'm getting there, have a good day :)<br/>Also, though I am an AFAB nonbinary I don't know much about being trans-masc. So if I write or portray anything just plain wrong or off about being trans-masc, or any topic at all I write about, please let me know. I really don't want to write something that could be harmful or cause more spread of misinformation. Plus, I am always looking for ways to better my writing</p>
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